She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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