Just cropdusted the office
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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