CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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