Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
