quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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