Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
