Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
