god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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