mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
