I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
