we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
