i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
