I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
