Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
