Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
