You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
