ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
