WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize