Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize