I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
