A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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