I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Text me some of your sweat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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