I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
