I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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