Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
