i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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