Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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