I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
