I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i out mim tonsoeep
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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