I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
