Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
