even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want her autograph on my taint
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
did you just send me my own nude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
