I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
