Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
