Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
