he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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