i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
