I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
