and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
