Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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