did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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