So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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