drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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