Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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