Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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