you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
