Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
