I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
