At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
