Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
