Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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