I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
