Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
