ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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