the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
