you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Boobs are out for the taking
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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