finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
