come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
