Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mom said you looked used
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
