So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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