don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
