My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
