got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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